Tropical Heat to Serbian Tundra in one fell swoop. Why? Because of my auntie.
I was 16 at the time. I couldn’t have been more virginal, had I locked away my pelvis using an enchanted Wizard spell. Girls were a mystery, never to be solved by books or stories. Just my own self determination.
Determined, I had set out to achieve a ‘loss’ that would be life’s ultimate game. Taking extra maths classes summed up my intentions. Her name was Finola, and all I could dream about was the thing I didn’t even know looked like. We worked together on maths, then add lunch, revision, home visits and dinner, that equaled girlfriend. After 7 months together, it was time to smoosh our bodies together. We went to mine. The place was empty and nobody was home. We get to it. I’m butt naked. She’s in a robe. She takes off the robe. The heat in the room was comparable to the Thrilla in Manilla. She climbs on top. What I didn’t know at the time was when she disrobed, the curtain was open, and my aunt drove past at that exact moment. I was playing loud music so they couldn’t hear the banging. But instead I couldn’t hear the banging. My aunt, going insane with fear called both the police and the ambulance to kick down the door. They burst into my room with my aunt, uncle, two cousins and nan all behind them.
They all begun to cry and my aunt threw her shoes at me and my uncle grabbed me by the ear and started slapping me. The police stopped him, but he swung last final slap at me, but I ducked and he hit the officer on his lip. Immediately the group of policemen jumped on him and pulverised his body. He was later deported by immigration services 🙁
Remember to draw the curtains, you never know who's watching