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Heartfelt bars and heartbreak


I had my first proper crush when I was 15 in secondary school. This guy called Brandon, he was tall, dark and handsome-ish. He was from another school and we had lots of mutual friends, I don't really remember where we met but I had my eyes set on him from day 1. Him and his friends would come down to my school and wait for us girls outside the station. We'd secretly be excited that older boys were coming down to see us so we'd make sure our baby hairs were extra slicked and laid and we'd reapply our favourite lip gloss. The mid 2000s were such a simple time, £1.99 lip gloss from the hair shop and that was you set for the day.

Brandon would be there and I’d make sure to get my hug and “hello” from him. I finally built up the courage to ask for his number one day and he actually gave it to me. Surely this meant he wanted to marry me right? We’d always text and have phone calls and I could tell he was starting to like me, weird old Kirsty. One evening he called and I decided to be a woman and tell him how i felt. “Brandon, I think I like you” “thanks but I’m not looking for a girlfriend right now”. It was at that moment my life flashed before my eyes. He really just rejected me in real time, over the phone. “Oh okay, well I just thought I’d let you know. Anyways I gotta go my mum’s calling. Bye” yes, I actually had to use the fake mum excuse. I was so heart broken, I went to school the next day and was telling my friend Hannah all about it. “You’re too good for him anyways Kirst” she said and comforted me. 

Over the next few days I started to feel a bit better but a part of me was still healing. One day after school Brandon and his boys came down again, I saw him in the distance but he was surrounded by people. As I got closer I saw that he was holding somebody’s hand, my short-sighted self tried to walk as quickly as I could so I could see what was going on. Him and Hannah stood there hand and hand laughing. The audacity. The same Hailey I went to upset about this boy, internally I was shaking. I wanted to drag her by her hair and beat her up but honestly I didn’t even know how to throw a punch so I just said hi to them both. It turns out they had become boyfriend and girlfriend, I could not believe it. I went home even more devastated plotting my sweet revenge on them both. 

My revenge on Brandon came in the form on grime bars dissing him. I had text him to set up a clash and told him that I would destroy him lyrically. I’m literally cringing writing this, why did I think I was a rapper? I kept practising in my head, I had played out the whole scenario already. We’d all meet outside the station, somebody would play a beat on their phone and everyone would gather around in a circle around us. I’d spit my bars and everyone would applaud me, egging me on and laughing at him. He’d eventually congratulate me on the win, dump Hannah and ask me out because I was so talented. It’s safe to say this did not happen. As soon as I started my bars “Brandon, you’re so ugly that your mu-” a fight broke out next to us. And everyone soon lost interest in my perfectly crafted bars.

I didn’t speak to him again after that day and him and Hannah broke up soon after too. Can you hear my bitter smiles? I soon moved onto a new crush anyways and upgraded from handsome-ish to actually handsome. I also became quite a successful rapper and have toured Europe and America! Okay, I’m pulling your leg – I dropped the rapping and started doing spoken word but I owe it all to this very, very embarrassing day. 

Heartfelt bars and heartbreak

This post was written by Kirsty Latoya

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